Bleeding stars
by cimitarra
Summary: The Reapers haven been defeated, but now new enemies threaten the Galaxy: terrorist groups are operating in the Council Space and they are sabotaging rebuilding efforts. Shepard, must locate their leaders and put them down, but she has other problems of her own... fem!Shepard/Liara
1. Enter Sandman

Screams, confusion, fire, smoke, adrenaline, blood, shocks, Shepard commanding her to get into an evacuation pod. A fatal collector ray beam, the Normandy exploding and Shepard spaced…

Liara woke up from her nightmare, panting heavily, her heart racing fast. She was reviving the collector attack to the old Normandy, when Shepard died. So far, the worst day of her life, even worse the fall of Thessia under the Reaper siege. And though it had been more than four years since the incident, and Shepard was still alive thanks to Cerberus, she still had nightmares about it occasionally.

The asari swept away the cold sweat in her forehead, took a deep breath and tried to relax. She looked down to the human sleeping by her side.

"Thank Goddess I did not wake you up," she thought. Liara knew that Shepard was having nightmares too, even more frequently. And not only about the collector attack, or the Reapers destroying Earth. In their joinings, she could feel how dark events that happened before they met were still haunting the human.

Shepard never talked about them, and she never dared to ask. And it hurt. She wanted Shepard to be more than just her lover –she wanted Shepard to be her bond mate. And for that, they needed to trust each other fully: no secrets, no guilt and complete acceptance.

Liara sighed, and laid back again in the bed. She noticed how Shepard move slightly and cursed herself.

"Li?" the human muttered.

"I am sorry, my love. I did not want to disturb your sleep," she whispered and embraced Shepard from behind, feeling the human's back against her skin.

"It's OK. I was dreaming of you, but I'd rather have the real you."

The asari smiled and blushed. Shepard always said these things carelessly, without knowing the effect the words had on her.

"You can have the real me in the morning. Now you need to sleep," Liara said softly and kissed her lover's neck.

"Aye-aye, ma'am."

Shepard stepped out of the bathroom, drying her hair with a towel. She opened a drawer and chose a plain soldier uniform to wear today. Once dressed, she looked into the full-body mirror and saw her reflection: dark red hair, green eyes, a scar in her right eyebrow, a smaller one parting her lip, white skin… a _soldier_.

"What is troubling you, Shepard?" Liara approached her and squeezed her shoulder.

"Nothing, it's just… I don't want them to change me."

"You will not allow that." Liara caressed Shepard's cheek, trying to comfort her. This was not news to her. "The Human Councillor already informed you that you don't need to accept the promotion."

"Yeah, I bet the Turian Councillor will be _thrilled_," Shepard said downheartedly. "He'll just think of a different way to screw me up."

"Because trying to promote you to Captain is 'screwing you up'." Liara smiled and kissed Shepard on the lips. "I get that you don't want to change the battle field for a desk, but you already made it clear that you want to remain as a Commander. So you must be worrying about something else too."

Shepard sighed. "Am I so transparent?"

"You have 'Ash' written all over your face," Liara smiled again. "Don't worry, my love. I'm sure the Council will listen to both of you. Just… try not to lose your nerves."

The human left the apartment and walked towards the Presidum Tower. Liara insisted on renting an apartment in the Presidium area of the Citadel so they wouldn't need to stay inside the Normandy or in an Alliance quarters whenever they were on shore leave in the Citadel. Shepard didn't mind staying inside the Normandy, but she remembered Anderson once saying that it was nice to have someplace in the universe to call _home_ and surrendered to Liara's wishes.

While she was crossing the gardens with the magnificient water fonts, she thought about the hard conversation with the Council that awaited her: convince them of her reasons to reject her promotion to Captain; convince them that having Miranda as XO of the Normandy was a good idea; convince them that she and Ashley should work together… A lot of "convincing" to do that was crystal clear for her and a nightmare for the Council.

_"Damn, I hate politics,_" she cursed to herself. _"And I hate politicians even more."_

When Shepard finally arrived to the Presidum Tower, the Human Councillor and Ashley were waiting for her. She saluted, the Councillor nodded and Ashley returned the salute, smiling from ear to ear.

"Ma'am."

The Human Councillor grabbed their attention. "We should be heading now, I don't want us to be late. This is going to be… complicated."

The good spirits that came to Shepard from seeing Ashley quickly faded away.

"Ash, remind me to ask for a 'one easy audition with the Council' voucher for my birthday," she mumbled.

Once inside the Council room, minutes passed slowly with empty talks and pointless discussions. Like the Human Councillor anticipated, getting the concessions the Commander demanded was proving difficult.

"You cannot expect us to accept a former Cerberus agent not only as crew of the Normandy, but the XO!" the Turian Councillor argued in a dismissing tone.

"The Normandy is mine!" Shepard snapped. "My ship, my rules, _my_ XO!"

"You humans always think you can do as you please."

"Yeah, it's this thing called 'free will' we are born with."

"Shepard, that's enough!" the Human Councillor intervened. "Councillors, I apologise for Shepard's words, but I'm sure she has her reasons to choose Ms Lawson as the XO of the Normandy. That is not a decision one makes lightly. We should respect that."

Shepard bit her tongue, despite of wanting to smash the Turian Councillor against the wall. She felt Ashley's hand squeezing her shoulder and that calmed her down somehow.

"Try not to lose your temper," the human whispered in her skipper's ear, "now we get to the part where we make them agree to have two Spectres working together."

Liara heard familiar voices outside and opened the main door of the apartment to greet Shepard and Ashley.

"You two are drunk," she said. It was not a question.

"Just a bit, Li." Shepard kissed her and Liara could taste the beer on her lips.

"I take this as you started celebrating your victory over the Council without me. Is it good news, then? Are you allowed to work together in the Normandy?"

"Hell yeah!" Shepard shouted and Ahsley started to laugh.

Liara was amused. She had never been drunk, but humans were prone to do it quite often, specially on shore leaves. Shepard drank from time to time with the crew, and as long as the Commander was able to get back to bed by herself, Liara did not really mind.

The asari smiled and hugged Ashley. The human let a pain groan escape.

"What is wrong?" Liara asked, a bit worried.

"She got a tattoo on her back," Shepard mocked. "You just touched it."

"Hey, don't you laugh, Skipper! You got one too!"

"What?" Liara interrupted, "Let me see it."

Shepard took off her jacked, turned around and pulled up her T-shirt so Liara could see the ink on the upper part of her back.

"To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield," Liara read. "Isn't this Ulysses, Ashley?"

"Yup, I got the same one. But it was Shepard's idea!"

Liara rolled her eyes. "Do you really think that getting marked for life while you are intoxicated is a good thing?"

"Well, we humans only live for 150 years," Ahsley shrugged. "It's not such a big deal."

Shepard nodded in agreement. "Besides, it's a good quote," she added.

Liara sighed. She knew that Ashley said that with no malice, but she did not like being reminded of how short human life span was. And the two of them getting the same tattoo… it was odd. She decided to drop the topic and focused on getting the human women sober up.


	2. Bad Day

There were saliva and moans and two bodies sweating together. And when the ecstasy came, two minds joined and time stopped.

Their nervous systems were connected, but for Liara it was more than a physical connection: all Shepard's emotions and memories were there for her to explore. She could feel what Shepard felt, the excitement, the caring, the love… and the fear, the trauma, the pain surrounding the darkest memories.

_"I love you."_ It was a whisper from mind to mind, but Liara knew that Shepard could not hear it since she was not a biotic. She would always say that, nevertheless.

She came back, her eyes fading from pit black to blue, and found Shepard holding her, still breathing heavily. Liara traced Shepard's eyebrows with the tip of her fingers.

"Liara, what's wrong?"

"Hm? It is nothing," she lied.

"Then why you look so sad?"

Liara wanted to look away but she couldn't. She never could whenever Shepard captured her with those striking green eyes. She didn't believe anyone could actually do it –this was one of Shepard's special abilities.

She said nothing, and Shepard moved even closer and embraced her.

"What is it, Li?"

And then she surrendered.

"I… I just wish you shared your pain with me. When we join, I can see your memories haunting you. And instead of facing them, you have locked them in some corner deep inside you. But they won't go away until you deal with this properly."

She felt Shepard getting tense and she regretted having brought the topic up.

"They will never go away. I can't _deal with_ them."

"Shepard, please…" she begged. "Why will you not let me help you? I want to be there for you, like you have been here for me so many times."

The human didn't answer and buried her face on Liara's neck.

"You're already helping, Liara. You're the last bastion of my sanity. I've been through a lot of shit in my life, but it's been worth it because now I'm with you. All the pain, all the blood… I'd go through that again a hundred times if you were waiting for me at the end."

Shepard met Ashley and Garrus at a café in the Presidium. They were the only ones off duty and Ashely thought that all of them three needed to relax before they left the Citadel for a new mission. And Shepard believed that her fellow Spectre was damn right.

The café was calm and certainly invited to chill out. The decoration was sober and even though there was a large window facing the street, the glass was dimming out the bright afternoon light.

"So, did they tell you what's the next assignment?" the turian asked.

"Kind of," she answered. "There's plenty of problems to choose from: small rebellions, mafias taking over a few colonies, some terrorists… The usual stuff after a war, but this time affecting the whole galaxy."

"Earth is seriously fucked," Ashley said, "and it's only one planet! I don't know how they'll do it to pacify all the Council Space."

"Yeah, that's the other part," Shepard added. "They're recruiting lots of new spectres to deal with this, since most of them died in the war. I'm actually going to have some kind of apprentice."

And then, they could hear it: the noise of a burst of bullets crashing down the large window, which shattered into thousand of fragments.

"FUCK!" Shepard shouted.

The bullets continued to fly, ricocheting and destroying glasses and furniture. Shepard, Ashley and Garrus ducked behind the closest cover they could find: an array of huge metallic plant pots.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Shepard shouted again. She looked around for a few seconds: everyone was screaming in panic, some bodies laid in the ground in pools of blood.

"Damn! What do you have?" Garrus asked and pulled out his Carnifex. "I've only brought this one."

"Same here," Ashley quickly replied, her gun already in hand. "Shit! Here they come!"

Four people jumped through the large broken window and resumed shooting their assault riffles. More screaming, more blood.

"Garrus, Williams, I'm going to overload their shields. You'll get a few shots, try to make them count."

"Understood."

"Aye-aye."

The turian and the soldier got ready and Shepard started to manipulate her omnitool frenetically. She was getting prepared for the attackers to reload…

"NOW! Deploying overload!"

Garrus and Ashely popped out and shot their guns. Three attackers fell, and they ducked again back to cover.

Some people who remained able to move ran in panic. The rest were dead, or heavily injured, or paralysed by terror.

"One left, Commander. He's covered."

"Fuck! How do we do this?" Ashley asked. "We don't have our armours."

"You two give me suppression fire," Shepard ordered. "I'll run till the bar counter and see if I can grab one of the dead guy's riffles."

"That's-"

"Do it!"

Garrus obeyed immediately and shot his gun towards the column the attacker was behind of. Ashely followed one second later and Shepard ran to the bar. She ducked to pick up a gun from one of the attackers' bodies and glided the two meters left…

"ARGH!"

She was shot before she could reach the counter. Her right leg was burning in pain, and she clenched her teeth.

Another agony scream was shouted, but it was not hers this time. It was the attacker being shot down.

A few seconds later, Ashely was with her.

"What the hell happened, Ash?" Shepard muttered.

"I don't know, he was suicidal!" Ashley teared off the fabric of her trousers to expose the wound. "Shit, we need to get some help!"

Garrus arrived to their position.

"They didn't bring medigel with them," he informed. "I've called Miranda for help. Shepard, I'm going to get some alcohol from the bar, it'll help with the pain."

"Try to find… an expensive bottle," she tried to joke but a moan chocked her words. _"Oh, fuck, Liara's going to kill me."_

"Neither Garrus nor Ashley wanted to tell me what happened _exactly_. I am assuming it's something I will dislike." Shepard turned her face towards Liara, who sat in a chair beside the bed she was lying on in the Huerta Memorial Hospital. She could tell the asari was both worried and angry.

"It was just a shot," she said trying to sound casually. She knew it was going to be futile.

"For Goddess' sake, Shepard! You wore no armour! _Just a shot_ could have get you killed!" Liara exploded. "What in the world were you thinking?!"

Shepard rubbed her eyes, trying to think what to say. _"What was I thinking?," _she thought. _"Going out of cover was the only way to get a gun… It would have worked if those bastards hadn't been suicide terrorists. But that's always a possibility in an attack like that one. Oh, shit…_"

"I'm sorry, Jeanne," Liara interrupted her thoughts. "You were attacked by terrorists and here I am, reprimanding you." She paused and sighed. "It's just… You got me scared."

Shepard grabbed Liara's hand and kissed the back of it. "No need to apologise," she said. "I made I mistake, I was reckless. I should have been more cautious."

The room's door swooshed open and Miranda, brand new XO of the Normandy, entered carrying a pair of crutches.

"Shepard, you've been released. Dr. Chakwas said you'll be fine in a few days," she said and handed the crutches to Shepard. "The Council spoke with Ashley while you were being treated, we have a new assigment."

"Let me guess: take those bastards down."

Shepard left the bed and used the crutches to lean on them. She started walking out , Liara following her.

"Yes. The Normandy will reamain drydocked here in the Citadel until the end of the week, so we can get a few upgrades and discuss with the Council our next move and do a bit of research."

"Miranda, is there a recording of the attack?" Liara asked. "I can send it to Feros and see if he can give us some leads."

"Sure, I'll send it to your terminal. By the way, Shepard, Hackett sent the dossier of our new team member. She's… weird."

"Good, she's a spectre candidate, how many spectres do you know that are not weird?" Shepard smirked.

"Williams."

"Ashley."

Both Liara and Miranda answered simultaneously.

"Touché," Shepard grunted.


	3. Flashback

_IMPORTANT: Quite major rewrite of the first two chapters to make them fit ME3 ending. You might want to re-read them if you were following this fic from before Jan 2013._

_Sooo, I've been through the five stages of grief with ME3's ending and now I'm at "acceptance". I managed to get my desire to write back, and to continue Shepard's story. This fic assumes red ending + Shepard surviving + a rebuilt Citadel._

* * *

><p>Shepard tossed the datapad to her bed, visibly annoyed. She had been studying the profile of the new "recruit", both the official dossier provided by the Alliance and the "unofficial" data she gathered pulling a few strings. She had a bad feeling about this.<p>

Dolores Connor was one of the few war heroes who survived the many battles at London against the Reaper forces. She had taken uncountable foes down with her sniper riffle, and had been awarded the Medal of Valor for protecting half a dozen children during the attacks. She was only 19 years old.

Shepard recalled one of her conversations with Hackett about this. The Admiral had said that Connor was "special", and though she joined the Alliance, she would be better off with Shepard, training to become a Spectre some day. _"She reminds me of you, Commander."_

That was the part that made Shepard uncomfortable. No parents, raised in a gang in the streets of a big city… Shepard remembered the photo that was on the dossier: a young woman with war paint on her face and a fierce look. _"Too much like me_._" _The problem was also the very same reason she couldn't refuse Hackett's request.

The girl would arrive later that day. Shepard decided to take a hot shower to relax a bittle so she could think more clearly how to deal with the situation. So far, it wouldn't be pleasant.

"Commander," Ashley saluted as she entered the Normandy's meeting room, with Miranda and Liara.

Shepard was standing up, handling a data pad besides a young woman dressed in an Alliance uniform, with black war paint marks on most of her face.

"Lt. Commander, Dr. T'Soni, Lawson, this is Private Connor. She'll be serving in the Normandy. I'm assumming you are already familiar with her dossier."

The young human saluted half-heartedly and Shepard glared at her.

Ashley studied the new recruit: She was not tall at all, her skin a bit dark and the war paint gave her a hard and tough look. She had a big stroke of paint covering most of the right side of her face, and smaller strokes on the left side. Ashley thought it was a bit odd that someone wore these while not on battle, and that the woman was even allowed to do it.

"She obviously lacks _proper_ military manners and training," Shepard continued, "so we must put her up to speed as soon as possible. We'll begin at the ring, let's go."

Shepard headed to the elevator and Ashley, Miranda and Liara exchanged confused looks, but followed her Commander nevertheless.

They arrived at the Shuttle Bay, which was equipped with a full gym and a boxing ring. Commander Shepard had it installed after the war, following Garrus' advice: here soldiers could come to train and to blow off steem and calm their nerves. Ashley had been training with Shepard consistently in the ring, and she could already say that it was a very good idea to have the ring, but this… Ashley had the feeling this would be no training. She looked to the Private, who seemed impassible, but her clenched fists were betraying her.

Shepard entered the ring and Connor did the same. Ashley went to the lockers to pick up the padding equipment.

"We don't need it, Williams," Shepard interrupted her.

Ashley blinked in surprise. How could padding be not needed during training? _"Oh, fuck." _She didn't know what to think. Fighting with no padding seemed a terrible idea, but she didn't want to question Shepard in front of a subordinate. She looked to Miranda, wishing for help, but the Normandy's XO seemed to think the same. _"What does Shepard want with this?"_

Shepard didn't wait for her opponent to get ready and hit her stomach with a hard kick. Connor cried in pain and lost her balance. Shepard took advantage of that to get closer and punch her in the face. The youngest human hit the ground and spat blood.

Ashley had her eyes wide open in disbelief. She was not the only one.

"19-year old MY ASS!" Shepard shouted and kicked the private, who was still lying in the ring floor.

Ashley could not take that any longer. "Shepard–"

"Shut up, Williams! And you," Shepard turned to the girl, "don't even fucking dream of lying to me again!" She kicked her hard again and again.

Connor somehow managed to stand up and glared at Shepard.

"Screw you!" she shouted. And then, she did the unthinkable. She spat to Shepard's face.

Miranda and Ashley reacted right away and quickly jumped into the ring, but they couldn't stop Shepard of punching Connor in the head. The XO took the girl and pulled her away. Ashley stood in front of Shepard, holding her back. Liara joined Ashley in her efforts to contain the Commander.

"That's enough, Shepard!"

The red-haired Commander cooled down and wiped out the remainings of saliva in her face. "I like your guts, _girl_, but we need to talk. Let's go to the Med Bay."

"I'm no girl, and I can take care of myself," Connor growled.

"You clearly couldn't half a minute ago. Besides, your blood is getting my ship dirty," Shepard said and headed towards the door.

"Whatever," she mumbled and followed Shepard.

Ashley stayed ten meters behind them and looked at Miranda.

"What the hell was that…?" the XO asked.

"No idea," Ashley answered. "They looked like two krogans in a pub fight. And why doesn't she think the girl is 19?"

"Shepard doesn't… think. She _knows _she's younger."

Miranda was right and Ashley swallowed hard upon the sudden realisation.

"What is it?" Liara asked, still very confused.

"We can talk about this later, we better follow them to the Med Bay."

Miranda was getting more worried by the minute. Not only about having an adolescent on board, but because of Shepard's blind rage on the ring. The XO was sure Shepard didn't want to show she was better, Shepard actually wanted to _inflict pain_. And the fact that she knew about the real age of the girl… either Shepard had gotten more information or… _"No, she knew," _Miranda admitted, _"she knew because she has seen it before."_

She interrupted her thoughts when they finally arrived to the Med Bay.

"Dr. Chakwas," Shepard said and stepped into the room with the rest of them.

"What happened?" the human doctor asked, frowning.

"Gym accident," Shepard blatantly lied. "Doctor, I'm going to need the med bay for a few minutes."

"Sure, Commander, _after_ I provide first aid to the Private."

"I'll do that. It's not serious, and you can check her afterwards," Shepard said. She opened the first-aid box and got a medigel flask and some swabs. "Liara, can you get me an ice pack?"

"Aye-aye, Commander," Dr. Chakwas surrendered. I'll be back in ten minutes. And please, try to avoid more of these _accidents_."

The doctor left and Liara went to the small fridge with medical supplies and took out a pad filled with frozen gel. Miranda just stood besides Ashley, close to the door, arms crossed and still trying to make sense out of the situation.

"Here," Liara said handing the ice pad to Shepard.

Shepard had already started to clean the blood pouring from the human's broken eyebrow and apply medigel to it. Now that the young soldier had her war paints marks partially removed, she understood why she was wearing them: she definitely looked like a teenager without the paint.

"So," Shepard started to say, "how old are you? I'm not going to ask this twice."

"Sixteen," the girl grunted.

"Good."

"You're fucking kidding me!" Ashley stormed. "Shepard, you can't have a 16-year old here!"

"Says who?"

Ashley opened her mouth, unable to say a word.

"Commander, as your XO I must remind you that this goes against the Alliance's regulations," Miranda said trying in vain to sound as neutral as possible. She thought Shepard had lost her mind, and the strangest thing here was that Liara was not freaking out.

"She's nineteen in every military record, we can keep this a secret. Dr. Chakwas will have to know, though," the Commander stated.

"For God's sake, Shepard, she's a _teenager_! Are you insane?!" Ashley protested, getting more and more agitated.

"Shepard, you cannot be seriously considering to have a girl in the team." Miranda agreed.

"I AM NO GIRL!" Connor shouted bitterly.

"Then start to behave like an adult and do not yell to the XO of my ship!" Shepard bopped her. "And now, listen: I know you're a top-notch sniper, but you're no soldier. You want to be a Spectre someday? Then start by becoming a soldier first. From now on you'll be on my ground team. Is this understood?"

"Yeah."

Shepard bopped her again.

"Aye-aye, ma'am," the girl rectified.

"It's good to see you learn fast. So, starting tomorrow, you will chain yourself to the simulator trainer until Lt. Commander Williams thinks you're done," Shepard commanded. "Dr. T'soni, Williams, you are dismissed. Lawson, stay, we need to go through some details with the Private."

Ashley rolled her eyes and left taking Liara by the arm. _"No doubt she will try to make her convice Shepard to stop this madness._" Miranda sighed in silence. _"It won't work."_

Once the Med Bay door was closed, Shepard turned to the girl and put an arm over her shoulder.

"Connor, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to think your answer very carefully before you speak." She paused and looked into Connor's eyes for a few seconds. "Where's your stash?"

_"This is bad."_

The Private remained silent but held Shepard's gaze.

"You are not expecting me to believe you're clean, right? What are you on, and where's your stash?" Shepard inquired again.

"Spice," Connor surrendered, "I hid some in the cargo hold. But I _need_ it."

"What you _need_ is to get cleaned ASAP. We'll tell Dr. Chakwas about this and she'll give you rehab treatment. Ms. Lawson will keep your stash under her custody, and will only give you a dose under the doctor's request. Only the three of us and Dr. Chakwas will know about this. Am I clear?"

_"WHAT. THE. HELL."_

Connor nodded, visibly annoyed. Shepard walked towards Miranda and whispered in her ear.

"Miranda, don't _ever_ let me get close to the damn thing. Do you understand?"

Now everything clicked.

"Of course, Commander.

Later that night Shepard dreamt of running, blood, hiding, killing, red sand, spice and the Tenth Street Reds.


End file.
